Waiting Patiently While Dying from Impatience

Yesterday was a long and tough day. I have been waiting patiently yet racking my brain impatiently on news. I have been the one causing myself the suffering. While I know things will eventually subside (the mud will settle) it is not settling fast enough for me. I spent a large portion of the night crying (I am only human), then had to stop to remind myself that I created my scenarios, and crying would blind me from my objectives. I then stopped to think about the rush. Rushing to try to do what needed to be done was, and is not the key. I need to do things on a clear mind, otherwise I will be back to square one. I medidated on the pains I caused myself, SD, and the kids. I tried focusing on what exactly I need to do to tackle the situation, and the solution I came up with is to take things step by step. I am not aware of what will happen tomorrow, but if I focus on the right here, right now, I can shape things step by step without aiming for what may be fictitious scenarios.

Let me focus on patience:

When things aren’t going our way (for example, we’re stuck in traffic), we tend to think that the cause of our impatience is external to us—what’s going out “out there.” But, of course, the cause is what’s going on in our own minds—that is, our response to whatever circumstances we’re facing. So start by setting the intention to watch for impatience arising in your own mind as a response to not getting what you want right away.

You may know some of your triggers already: being put on hold for a long time; getting stuck in a long line; struggling to figure out a computer problem; facing an extended wait at the doctor’s office; having to listen to someone take what seems to be an interminably long time to explain something simple (this last one being a trait of mine that tests my own family’s patience!).

Notice how impatience arises when we’re not getting our way—specifically when people or our environment aren’t conforming to our expectations, even in circumstances over which we have no control (for example, the flow of traffic or the length of a line). Our expectations are often out of synch with reality. I can think of four ways in which this is true, and all four can be triggers for impatience.

First, we tend to expect the environment to conform to our expectations: no traffic jams; no absence of parking spaces near our destination; no long lines; no airport delays; no waiting too long for food to arrive at a restaurant.

Second, we tend to expect people to conform to our expectations. They ought to behave the way we think they should behave. “That woman ahead of me in the check-out line should not be making small talk with the cashier.” “If he said he’d phone at 3:00, he should phone at 3:00.” Even if we’re “right” (it is polite, after all, to call at the time you say you will), the fact remains that people often don’t live up to our expectations.

Third, our expectations are often unrealistic when it comes to mastering new skills, whether it’s taking up a new craft or figuring out a new computer application or learning a new do-it-yourself fix-it skill. We think we should be able to master new skills quickly, no matter how foreign or difficult they are to us.

Fourth, our expectations are almost always unrealistic when it comes to what goes on in our minds. We think we should be able to control what thoughts and what emotions arise. But unwelcome thoughts and emotions pop up all the time. It’s the nature of the mind to think and to emote; in my experience, there’s no stopping it. Certainly being impatient doesn’t put a stop to it!”

Today I will focus on patiently putting a plan to paper, reviewing it patiently, making changes, and tackling things step by step. So much needs to be done, and while I wish I could tackle it with a wave of the wand, the truth is, that would not help the situation, it will place me back to square one. I sit here always jotting down my thoughts, it helps, and it hurts. It hurts like hell because it causes me to focus on my actions, to see the truth behind the facades I have tried to build up over time. It enables me to humbly take a realistic look at myself, my flaws, and allows me to think about the changes I need to make. Last night I made SD cry, and nowadays she cries constantly because of my actions. There are no words I can say to minimize the impacts, the damage is done, but a correction is always possible. Patience, focus, and selflessness will guide me through this. 

Antidote 4 Changing or Accepting:

Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change.

• If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a situation will cause frustration in the end.
• If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don’t, it will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which will only make the situation worse.