A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Imagine for a moment blindly putting your life in the hands of someone else. You relocate, leaving your job, everything you have for the person. It collapses due to your actions. You try to immediately re-collect your thoughts, get on the right track for the benefit of love. Things don’t quite progress at the speed of light for you. You’re waiting to go back to work, trying to support yourself, struggling to let your loved one know that you are trying.

Your loved one “loves” you so much, and appears to be behind you one hundred percent, but well… Doesn’t feel like you’re trying. Forget the dozens of interviews you’ve been on. Forget that you feel like your selling your soul in some of these interviews. Forget the fact you abandoned everything you knew for the relationship in the first place. With a flick of a switch: “Well don’t talk to me anymore.”

Would it bring you down, would you be disappointed? Disappointed at you, or your loved on. Would you feel misled? Inadequate? What about hearing: “I don’t care what you do be a janitor, landscaper, do anything. I love you for who you are!!!” Followed by: “Well you’re not making any money…” How would that make you feel.

Sitting here, I am disappointed in myself. My demeanor had to always be to protect myself. I’d been through this before, in fact multiple times (people being wolves in sheep’s clothing), trying to be passive, mindful, and avoid going through some of the same angers that put me in bad places. I tried to begin striving to be a better person. It dawns on me, I am a better person. I’ve learned I don’t have to be mean, I learned I don’t have to be vindictive. I learned to say little. This is their decision, who am I to dictate how someone should feel.

Perfectionism? Unsure:

Perfectionism - The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

Projection? Unsure:

Projection - The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Love? Am sure. Am sure it wasn’t there, but I am very glad to think know, that I am capable of a deep love. I am capable of being a happy person, and as always, eventually I will be back to where I stood one day. There is only so much I can do, but travel at the speed of light is not one of them. Bend the will of time forcing someone to hire me? Cannot do. All I can do is deal with the moments at hand. Sad? Absolutely, but will be well knowing all that glitters isn’t gold, and even the prettiest sheep can be wolves.