The Long Road to Nowhere

As I attempt to pick up the pieces and move on in life, I have to take one last look at where I come from. Imagine taking a look back and seeing a road that has been destroyed throughout your journey. This is my latest task (looking back). Initially, I blamed all the horrible drivers for the potholes, nature for the weathering, cars for the smog. These surely added to the damage, but I never took a moment to understand that I too was a driver, in a vehicle, and a contributor to the road now destroyed.

There is only so much we can do in life before we either break down on these roads, allow the forces of nature to take their course, become aggravated with drivers however, I now ask myself: “Do I even have to take this road?”, “Can I avoid these potholes”, "can I stop for the moment and just enjoy the sight wherever I am at?” Life has been a tough journey for me, and sadly it took too long for me to get a focus on what is important in this life. My sanity, and my ability to find the right path.

The past month has been one of the most difficult, and I have contemplated many negative thoughts to cope with the situations I faced on this road. Many times I played the blame game: “the drivers…”, “mother nature”, “the cars”, “the potholes” rarely stopping to internalize that I am just another driver. Someone else on this road is thinking along the same lines. Looking back at their journey and cursing my existence. I wish them nothing but compassion and loving kindness. I am sorry that my actions added to the destruction of your road. The additional pothole, the frustration of me stopping, speeding up, stopping again. This is life, a cyclical enigma we overthink about, barely stopping to enjoy the sights.

I will always miss some of the people I met along this journey, but alas many never stuck around this long road with me. This is because of my actions while driving, my road rage episodes, me hitting potholes, perhaps my choice of music while driving. I can’t, and won’t blame anyone as I decided to drive that road when I did. I am choosing another road altogether, one which I can enjoy the moment, enjoy the sights and sounds. Whether or not someone will be in my car is irrelevant at this point. I can't sit on the side of the road waiting.